Yes, with my life in general, but more specifically with this part of my website.
At the moment, I am feeling totally frazzled. It feels like everything around here is in chaos and turmoil, spinning wildly out of control. All I need now is for Blackie to get loose (no doubt that will be happening in a minute or two). It is already 4:30, and I still have to make a trip up to the store, and then get dinner going (pork chops tonight). The kitchen is a disaster. Will the kids get their homework done? They won't even tell me what they have! Half the time, their answer is, "I don't know"!!!
How can you not know what you have for homework???
Weren't you there?!!
It makes me crazy!
It's funny, BOTH Dani and I are feeling totally at wits' end tonight.
I couldn't help but think it is mostly a body chemistry thing. For some reason, you just get more edgy, irritable, and "prickly" than other times (too little sleep and too much caffeine and sugar? maybe?). Things that normally don't even faze you have you crawling out of your skin. A little clutter you look past any other time has you ready to kill someone!!!
It's like your whole body system is a computer that just needs to be rebooted...
...which is why I think God made life in cycles. You can always come to the end of a day and call it quits to that mess - and start brand new the next. Imagine if there was no way out of a bad cycle!!!!
...and I woke up early this morning (around 5:00), and unfortunately, still feeling frazzled, unsettled and unfocused.
Not at all at peace.
It was just a vague, general sort of feeling, with nothing really specific I could pinpoint as it its source. But I couldnt get passed it (I guess my system didn't reboot entirely!). I tried praying, but even that felt unfocused and frustrating.
Finally I came to the idea that there just was nothing I could do.
What I needed was the reassuring sense of Gods presence, of his love and care - well, that things were okay.
But I couldnt MAKE that happen. Well, if I could, then it wouldnt really be Gods presence at all, just a psychological trick, just me conjuring up the feeling of Gods presence, whether he was really there or not.
I would have just talked myself into believing God was there, and everything was okay.
That would be no good.
Better then to forget all of that. Let it all go, and simply turn to God.
Here I am, Lord. I am yours, I give myself to you.
And then, and this is the hard part...
Let God do what he wills.
Now, I am hoping that what he wills is to come to me, and fill my life today with the peace and assurance of his presence, and that I will be able to serve him today with simple, pure, joy.
That is what I am hoping for!
I figure I am not doing anyone any good feeling all irritable and out of sorts!
And then - just by chance? - this morning I happened on this quote. Jesus said,
Not much good if that light is all crabby and out of sorts!
PS - One of these days Ill figure out what exactly to do with this section, and what it is supposed to be all about.
When I do, Ill let you know!
PPS - I asked God to come to me... and you know what? he did!
© 2004 Paul Dallgas-Frey