Not so much by choice, but more because I didn't have the strength, energy or desire to get up.

I had slid down into a mental and physical black hole.

At one point I thought if I didn't eventually recover from this illness, that was just fine with me. Better even... life was nothing but a pointless, frustrating, exercise in misery anyway. Why would I want any more of it? And all this garbage I have been putting on the Internet? Pointless, empty, delusions. Scrap it all...

All the work of my good ol' chemotherapy!

What a great way to spend a holiday weekend!

Well, by Sunday I was feeling a little better. At least I FELT like getting up and doing some stuff - I just didn't have the energy to be up and moving around for more than a few minutes without getting light headed.

And when I was sitting around with the kids at the the kitchen table Sunday night, while they were giggling and munching down a late dinner of KFC, I still wasn't entirely convinced these were actually my children. They looked pretty familiar... but still there was this cloud of lingering hazy, doubt...

By Monday afternoon I was finally beginning to return to my right mind (as close as I get to that, anyway). I must have been - I spent a good chunk of the time reading about Chickens in America from an old American Heritage magazine - and enjoyed it! (Did you know there is at least one chicken farm that ships out over a million chickens A DAY?!!! That's a lot of chicken!).

Until now it's late Memorial Day night (after midnight, actually - I really should be asleep!)), and I am feeling much better.... though the ice cream sandwich I just had still left a slimy film in my mouth.

I guess I am just going to have to get to used to that all over again.

But the events of the past weekend have taught me a few things...