I have a hundred things to do, and I dont know how I am going to get half of them done.
Its the same old story; were running as fast as we can just to stay where we are - and I fell down a long time ago! Of course, watching Oprah this afternoon, a show on how tough it is to live paycheck to paycheck, didnt help. My stress levels are shooting through the roof. The little man in my mental control room is having flashes of Chernobyl. A zillion lights on his control panel are flashing all around him, sirens are blasting, and he just doesnt know what to do next. I think I saw him heading for the door.
So this morning I figured before I do anything else, I had better do some serious praying.
Lying there in bed, my head still a little fuzzy, the fact that today is Good Friday came to mind. I got to thinking about just what that means.
It came to me that this is the day that Jesus gave his life to secure ours. He sacrificed his life to give us victory. He died to give us victory over death - to give us LIFE!
...and then I spend all my time not really living the life he died to give me!
How stupid is that?!
He gave his life to win victory for me - and then I dont go out and live it. Instead I am all stressed out and worried. That's just doesnt seem right!
If Jesus sacrificed his life to give me mine - then I should go and LIVE, and live fully, joyfully, in that victory!
So now its late in the afternoon. The sky is turning gray, they say a storm may be coming in. It's past dinner time actually, and I still havent gotten anything on the table yet. Well, theres only Pepe and me here to eat anyway, and he is too wrapped up in a video game to even know dinner was supposed to be two hours ago. Everyone else is at work in one place or another (we have the fast food sector here in our little town covered pretty well!). I had to make a run up to the grocery store a little bit ago, and as I was walking across the parking lot I was feeling so stressed out I almost wanted to cry. Too much to do, too many bills, too many responsibilities. Man, I know I should be trusting it all to God - but sometimes I just cant seem to do it. All this STUFF just gets to me.
I dont know what to do about that.
And then it occurred to me that it doesnt really matter if I feel like everything is going to be okay. Its all in Gods hands anyway. Its all going to be okay no matter how I feel about it. God will take care of everything no matter if I feel confident in that or not...
...so youd think I make things a whole lot easier on myself and BELIEVE in that!
(I am writing to myself here now!)...
Feelings come and go (you dummy! - that's to me). They go up and down (and I suppose all in all thats a good thing. You'd never know the ups if you didn't know the downs). But no matter how I may feel at any given moment, this I know is always true...
© 2006 Paul Dallgas-Frey